Wardrobe Woes

My wardrobe contains the following;

• 8 coats. 3 brown leather, 3 black/grey/brown, 1 bright green puffa.
• 2 Dresses (yes I know!). One black that I bought in 1999 to wear for a posh dinner and have never worn it since (but was expensive) and one animal print bought 2 years ago that I have worn twice.
• 4 Skirts. Long, 2 brown, 1 black, 1 beige.
• 6 pairs work trousers - all black, bootleg style.
• 4 tops that seemed like a good idea at the time and are only ever 'tried on' never actually worn out.
• 7 Cardigans of various styles and in shades of grey, black, blue and green.
• 18 jumpers. Thick, thin and cashmere and apart from a couple of pink ones, all in grey, black, blue or green.
• 3 pairs of high boots, 2 black flats, 1 brown (with heels that I'm learning to walk in).
• 5 pairs of ankle boots, 3 black with low heels, 2 brown with low heels.
• 6 pairs of Crocs/mules
• 5 pairs of trainers, including one pair of Shape Ups worn twice.

I also have a chest of drawers that contains T shirts (dozens of the things, some older than my kids!) and items of underwear ranging from comfy to 'sexy but a little on the scratchy side). I have a whole drawer full of black socks, black opaque tights and thick walking socks too. Yes that;s it. The sum total of my clothing. No extra wardrobes in someone else's room or things in vacuum bags under the bed. All my stuff in one of two places. Except for handbags - they live under the bed and are a whole post in themselves.

Maybe you are sensing a bit of a theme here? I'm thinking I could do with a really good clear out and a letter to Trinny & Suzannah to ask for help in replenishing it.

My problem is that I hate clothes shopping. I always have, it's so tedious. Hubby has to drag me round the shops like a sulky teenager, picking things up off the rails to show me. He loves shopping!

"This is nice, why don't you try it on?"

"Ner, I'd never wear it."

"You could wear it when we go out for a drink"

"Not got anything to wear with it"

"Well get a nice pair of jeans or a skirt too".

"sigh"

"Go on try it on and I'll see if there's anything to wear with it".

I shuffle off to the changing rooms, strip off to my un-matched, un-derwear and stare at the un-sightly lump of porridge like flesh which is always worse than it is in my own mirror and instantly puts me in an even worse mood. I pull on the 'whatever' that is usually too short, too long, too tight or too big, struggle back into my clothes and hand it over to be put on the 'not a hope in hell ' rail.

"Well???"

"Don't like it"

"How about trying........?"

"Don't want to, can we go home now?"

What I need is someone who knows my exact measurements and what suits me and lays out clothes that are perfect for me every day - just like my Mum used to do when I was a child.